September 6, 2011

Thoughts on Thoughts

This was a once in a lifetime chance. I stared at the glowing, gray orb that must have been bigger on the inside than the outside. This was a hands-on experience with my soul, heart, mind, or whatever makes me Me. I pushed into it and found myself in a sphere that was about eight feet across with a flame in the middle. On all the walls, or wall, there were hundreds of drawers, shelves, and cabinets.

Inside of these were my Thoughts. Each Thought was a glowing orb of a different color. The larger the ball, the more times I had thought of that Thought. I found thoughts that shouldn't have been there, ones that were much to big, and several that should have been much larger. I soon found that the whole sphere was not my mind, but that the fire burning in the middle was. The ashes were my Thoughts, which immediately jumped to their proper place.

Directing my attention away from that, I saw a shelf with small boxes on it. One was my Knowledge. Every fact I knew was in this box, even ones I didn't remember learning. As I turned toward the next box, a Thought hit me on the head as it tried to get in the box I was about to open. When I did, right on top there was the Thought I must have just thought. Picking it up, I found it was the Thought about not remembering one of the facts I knew I'd learned. The next was of me thinking about a Thought I’d just thought of. I quickly slammed that box shut, knowing that that could go on forever and drive me insane.

Moving on to another shelf, I saw orbs that were different from the others. Within each was an embryo like that of a human. Some were formless while others had distinct features. I chuckled at the creativity of my own mind. Those were my ideas in different stages of development! The next shelf had only gold balls that could have been nothing other that goals. In a cabinet were piles of songs I have listened to and books I have read. The Phantom of the Opera and “Once in a Red Moon” crowned the piles as the most recent. On a different shelf, a tiny easel held all of my doodles and drawings. One large drawer had a divider between orbs floating on tears and orbs floating on laughs. Those must have been memories. I didn't consider myself a very special person, until I saw a laugh. I almost think it's not fair that not everyone has seen a laugh.

There was so much more in there, but there was no way I could have seen it all. After all, that is a collection I’ve been working on for over 14 years. As I thought about it - look, there goes another Thought! - I discovered that the glowing ball I was in, is my heart. The flame is my mind and the way I file my thoughts is my personality. Example: What some people might put in “Sorrows”, I might consider a “Joy”. As interesting as my own little world of Me was, I knew the odd practice of searching through my own Thoughts could prove addictive, if not eternal. I pushed my way out the same way I had come in. I was infinitely encouraged to have proof that this body isn't all I’ve got. When I die, I now know that something, the part of me that makes me Me, will live on forever.

I wrote this back in January when I was in bed sick! It's amazing what a fever will do to you! *wink*


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